


One More Time, I Dare You.

by xxcarinickkixx



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Allegient Never Happened, Bipolar Disorder, Blow Jobs, Death, Depression, Divergent, Eric my gorgeous badboy, F/M, Faction Before Blood, Happy World Where Erudite STFU And Left Abnegation Alone, Kissing, Plot Twist Bitches, Self Harm, Sex, Stress, Tattoos, Triggers, Underage Drinking, Violence, abnegation, amity, candor, dauntless, erudite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 12:29:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 20,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1510472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxcarinickkixx/pseuds/xxcarinickkixx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicole is the typical Candor. She opens her mouth and says exactly what she is thinking even if she gets in serious trouble for it. Her family for generations have all been Candor. Her mom, dad, grandparents, and their parents had all been Candor born. No transfers in the family since the very beginning. Her ancestors were the founders of Candor, those who blamed the "liars" in society. Two years behind her perfect Candor brother in the test to find where she "truly belongs" leaves her wondering if she will follow in her WHOLE families footsteps, or find her own happiness in another faction.</p><p>Faction before blood right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Has All Begun

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know how it is by sending me feedback or liking this! :)

Who knew it would feel like this. Like a thousand small jolts of electricity had been shot through every nerve ending in my body. I felt like I was alive in a way I had never known. Today was the day that would start the rest of my whole life. Today shaped everything. I had fit into Candor and loved my family. But I always felt like I was putting up a mask when I was here. I had to be "honest" always and always say what was on my mind. Sometimes I just wanted to curl up in a ball and do nothing. Who cares what my opinion is?! Why cant I just do whatever I want and shut up while I do it?

I put on my favorite outfit for today and headed downstairs to find my family already at the table. My brother had even come over to show me support on this day. It could possibly be my last day here.

"Hey weirdo." I said to Nick as I sat down and served myself French Toast.

"Nervous dork?" He asked me with a mouthful of pancakes.

"No. I already know where I will be. 'Ruler of the world' faction. Duh. Problem is there isnt a faction for that." I said and shook my head in a 'Duh isnt is obvious way'.

Since the Candor section of town was close to the school I always just walked to school. I walked slowly looking at my surroundings wondering if th  
his was going to be the last time I would see this route in my life. I wondered if this was going to be the last time I would be wearing Candor black and white. I wondered if I could sneak my favorite black skinny jeans into another faction...

I walked up to the girl Candor line ready to walk into the building and face whatever it was that awaited me. No matter what the test told me, this was my choice. It had to be.

So like a brave and fearless person going into the unknown, I shuffled into the building with all the girls in my faction that I called home. I waited and waited and waited in the hall until they finally called my name along with 3 other people; 2 Candor boys and 2 Candor girls being called at once.

I walked into the room and was greeted by a woman adorned in all black with piercings and tattoos all over her body.

“Sit.” She said firmly as she messed with some wires.

“Fine. You could say it nicely you know.” I said without thinking about it. When you grow up around people always voicing your opinion, its hard to remember that other factions aren’t like that at all.

“Big mouth Candors, always my favorite.” She said rolling her eyes and hooking up electrode sensors to my arms and temples.

“If it makes you feel any better, I think your tattoos are gorgeous and your lip piercing suits you.” I said and shrugged like it was a commonly known fact.

“Thanks. Now drink before I die from being talked to death.” She said handing me a shot glass with a purple liquid. I downed it all and that’s all I remember. After that it was all shotty in my memory and hazy. Next thing I know I am halfway across the room spilling my beautiful French toast breakfast from earlier into a basket by the door used for trash.

“Nice big mouth, can’t hang?” She said and smiled handing me a tissue to wipe my mouth. I just shrugged and looked at her anxiously for my results. “You got Candor. Shocker.”

It was the weirdest next hour of my life. I feel like I had been punched in the gut after hearing that. How? What did this mean if I was disappointed that I got my own faction? I thought about my results all day and all night. I passively talked about it at dinner and contributed my quietness to my nervousness for tomorrow’s events. If I wasn’t happy with Candor what would I choose? I was definitely not Abnegation, nor was I Amity. Leaving me with three choices: my own faction, Erudite for the intelligent and Dauntless for the fearless.

I fell asleep thinking about what my choice would mean for me and what it would mean for my family. Faction before blood right?

 

As I got ready the next day for the Choosing Ceremony I put my ring on, my bracelet, and put a picture of my brother and myself in my pocket knowing deep down inside that I wouldn’t ever be returning to this room. I knew what I had to do.


	2. The Choice and Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The choice was now. Choices always have consequences, even if sometimes we can't see them at first.

I sat in the large hall waiting for the ceremony to begin. It was going to be another 20 minutes or so before all the factions and the children choosing were all going to be seated. I sat patiently in the very last chair of my row. We were all seated alphabetically so it ended up that Cordova ended up on the end of the very first row. I was sitting there spinning my ring around my index finger when I heard someone say "Hey!" Right next to me.

I jumped at the sudden sound in my ear and looked over to see my brother crouched down next to my chair. He smiled at the fact that I jumped at his sudden presence.

"A little warning would be nice next time Nick!" I said to him playfully punching him in the arm.

"It's okay Nicole. I know this will be the last time." I went to open my mouth and say something but he hushed me with a shake of his head. "I've been your brother for 16 years Nikki. I know you better than anyone else. I know you are leaving Candor. I love you no matter what. You don't have to follow in my "perfect Candor footsteps" as you call them." He smiled at me, hugged me and whispered "Sister before faction." in my ear.

I smiled from ear to ear as Nick went to sit down with the other adult Candor's. Knowing my brother would always be there for me made me that much more comfortable.

Jeannine from the Erudite came up to the front of the stage to present this year. She spoke of the dark times before the factions, the creation of them, and read each manifesto from each faction. Then she paused and looked at each group of initiates and told us "The future is for those who know where they belong."

And those were the last words I heard. I zoned out, half watching each person go up, slice their hand open and spill it over whatever faction they wanted. I knew my choice was going to be made soon. I knew I really only had two choices left. Would I pick the Erudite always striving for knowledge or would I pick Dauntless who were brave no matter what was in front of them. I pondered this until I heard my name being called. "Nicole Cordova, Candor."

I slowly stood up and walked to the stage. I took the knife from the gentleman holding the knife on a towel. I walked behind the basins holding each of the factions desired "element" if you could call them that. I placed the point of the knife just under my index finger and slid the knife downward until it stopped just above my wrist. I winced slightly and watched my hand as the blood pooled quickly in my hand. I cupped my hand to hold the blood in my palm and moved it over the basins on the right. Candor, Erudite and Dauntless were all one right after another. I pushed my hand over the Erudite basin and just before I opened my palm to release the red liquid below I moved it over to the basin next to it.

"Dauntless." I heard the man call out to the room. I grabbed the gauze from the gentleman and sat down with my new faction who were loudly cheering. Murmurs could be heard throughout the whole auditorium as I was walking to sit down. I broke the cycle of the Cordova's (on my dads side) and Smith's (my moms side) always coming from Candor. The only thing that comforted me was the reassuring smile I saw on my brothers face before I say down.

An hour passed and finally every one had picked their factions. The Dauntless all stood up and started running towards the stairs whooping and hollering the whole way there. Then I finally noticed why. They were running and jumping down the stairs. I started running with the rest of the Dauntless born initiates that were in the front of the transfers. We all busted through the doors of the building and started running down the middle of the street. All the Dauntless acting so free from everything in the world, like nothing could touch them or affect them at all.

We all stopped as the Dauntless started climbing the legs of the railway up to a small platform that butted up to the train. I didn't question it and merely followed the Dauntless. I put one hand in front of another and climbed the metal support system. I hauled myself up to the top of the platform as I heard the horn of the train. The train was coming soon. Then I saw the Dauntless start running along side the train tracks. That train wasn't going to slow down for us.

"Jump or your out initiates!" One of the older Dauntless yelled at the pack of us. I started running quickly thanking god that I wore pants and not a dress today. I gained speed and reached for the handle of the cart and pulled myself in side the car refusing the help of the outstretched hand.

I sat down and quickly shot out my arm to a girl who was struggling to get in. I pulled her in and we both sat with our legs hanging outside the cart, panting. We watched as a girl didn't make it into a cart was left of the platform. She was factionless now.

"Nicole." I said to the girl I helped up.

"Jade." She said to me and smiled. Her clothes signaling she was from Amity. We scooted back and waited for whatever came next.

"Your the Candor girl aren't you?!" A guy from the other side car called out to me.

"Yeah I am. Got a problem with it?" I asked defensively. It was my choice. Everyone else and their damn opinions didn't matter.

He walked over to Jade and I and sat down with us. "That was fucking brave. I don't think I could have done that." He said and smiled. He was a Erudite transfer from the color of his clothes, all blue.

"Thanks." I said and half smiled.

Then we heard it. "No fucking way am I jumping." A girl said from inside our cart. We peaked our heads out to see the Dauntless jumping on to the roofs next to the train. Unfortunately there was a good 10 foot gap between the train and the roof itself. I looked at Jade an nodded at her and she did the same back.

"On three." I said to her as we backed up. "One, two, (I took a breath) three." And we took off. Jumping out of the cart at the same time and landing hard on the roof. The gravel of the roof broke our landing but tore up my arm pretty bad. I shook it off and dabbed my arm with my white jacket and tossed it to the ground after it was bloodstained.

"Initiates." An older gentleman called out to us as we gathered around. It was then that I noticed that there was only about 20 initiates that transferred. "Below is the entrance of our compound. That is the only way in. Whose first?"

Below his outstretched hand was a hole. Literally a hole in the roof below that ended in blackness. No way of knowing what was in that darkness or what you would be falling into or even if there was anything to fall into.

"Today initiates!" He said getting impatient that someone hadn't volunteered already. Before I was conscious of what I was doing, I had walked to the front. It couldn't be that hard right?

I stood up on the ledge and took two deep breaths before leaping forward into whatever was waiting for me below.

Free fall is the most amazing feeling that one can experience. It's as if you weight nothing at all and time slows down for just you.

Then suddenly I felt the pain of the ground meeting with my back. But it wasn't the ground it was a net. A god damn net. Freaking cryptic fuckers. It was just a net.

I then felt an arm reach for my arm and hell me get pulled up.

"Name?" This man that pulled me out of the net asked me. "Make it good, this is your last chance to be someone different."

"Nikki." I said to him.

"First jumper, Nikki." He yelled to someone and everyone down below started cheering.


	3. Whirl Wind of The New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First jumper... Now on to the next thing. Should be simple right?

One after another everyone jumped from the ledge above into the net below and were pulled out one by one. Only one person refused to jump, she's now factionless.

We all gathered in a group by the young guy that pulled us out of the net.

"I'm Four for those of you that don't know me." He said to us. I rolled my eyes at his name. What a weird name.

"And I'm James. I will be taking the Dauntless born with me. Since you guys don't need the basics. Let's go." He said and almost all of the initiates went with him. Crap. There weren't very many transfers. There were about 10 of us.

"Come with me." Four said as he started walking. He lead us through a few passage ways and into a room that was probably going to be used for fighting.

"This is where the first stage of training will take place. You will train in here for the first two weeks. You will learn to throw knives, shoot guns, and learn to be able to fight in hand to hand combat."

"This will help determine who will be moving into stage two." A voice said from the shadows. Then a guy about Four's age walked over to us. He was good looking; tattoos down his neck and arms and piercings. He was very attractive but intimidating none the less.

"Move to stage two? Don't we all?" I asked without realizing I opened my mouth. My Candor habits will be the death of me.

The guy walked slowly and silently up to me until he was standing right in front of me looking down at me. Which when you are only 5'3" is intimidating. He had to at least be 6'0".

"A big mouth Candor, my favorite. Yes initiate. Only 10 will make it through initiation. You chose us, now we have to chose you." He said still in my face.

Old habits die hard. I rolled my eyes at his empty threat that was supposed to sound intimidating and cryptic.

"Do that one more time initiate, I dare you." He said through his teeth. Obviously pissed off.

Pissing people off is my favorite past time so I smirked and exaggerated my eye roll a second time. I saw it coming before it made contact. He was going to smack me on my face but I was too quick for that. I ducked my head down feeling the arm pass above my head and retaliated by sweeping his legs out from underneath him.

I looked up to see Four smirking instead of the angry face I was thinking I was going to be met with.

"We start tomorrow at 8am sharp. Free time until then. Your bunks are going to be two doors down from here. You will all be sleeping in one room together." Four said. The other guy had picked himself up and was standing next to Four whispering something in his ear. Four nodded.

"I'm Eric. I'm a Dauntless leader and will be assisting with the initiation process. You are all dismissed. Except Nikki." He said to us.

Greeeeeeat I beat up a Dauntless leader. I'm so done for. Factionless can't be that bad right?? Oh God.

Everyone was gone from the room, including Four when Eric finally spoke.

"Where did you learn to do that?" Eric said idly picking up a knife from the table near by and throwing it at the board a good distance away. It landed dead center.

"I have an older brother and he always had friends over. I just learned to get away from them and defend myself."

"Strength and bravery, not defiance, are looked upon good here. Learn the difference. You have two weeks of community service in the tattoo parlor stating day after tomorrow. Don't let it happen again, big mouth." Eric said and walked out.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and walked out of the room to find Jade waiting for me.

"Are you alive?" She asked. I nodded my head not being able to find my voice. "Let's get food then!" She said pulling me in the direction of food.


	4. Step One: Survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I have to do is stay alive. That can't be too hard, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me feed back or let me know how I am doing guys! Feel free to email me or tweet me!!! bravo_cn@yahoo.com or @xxcarinickkixx THANKS FOR READING!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> ONCE I HIT 100 HITS I WILL POST THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!

Jade and I made our way to the table and sat down next to the Erudite transfer that called me brave for switching factions. "Nikki." I said to him outstretching my arm so he could shake my hand. I never got his name in the cart. "Calum." He said and smiled.  
Jade, Calum and I sat there eating everything in sight and getting to know one another.  
“Dude, I still can’t believe you got Eric like that! I heard from some people that he is really heartless, cold and isn’t afraid to hurt anyone even if it’s a girl.” Calum said to me before serving himself more Dauntless cake, which is amazing by the way.

“Its just second nature to me. My brother and his friends would mess around with me to tease me and I just learned to not put up with their bullshit. I learned to run faster, hide well, and defend myself. Then they stopped messing with me and included me as one of them. Guys see strength in a girl as a great quality so they thought of me as one of them after that.” I said and shrugged my shoulders. No one needed to know why I really knew how to fight.

After we finished eating we all got up and decided to walk around the Chasm and see what we could find. Jade and I ended up in the clothing store while Calum split off with some of the guy initiates we ran into.

”These clothes are fantastic but does everything have to be in black?” Jade asked me sighing. I could only imagine how hard it was for her. She was used to having reds and yellows to chose from. Candor’s wore black and white so the all black didn't really bother me.

We looked around at everything and ended up with a pile of clothes in our arms to try on. After trying on a ton of clothes and messing around with Jade we ended up with a ton of new clothes. I had 4 new tops, a skirt, 2 pairs of jeans, 1 pair of super skinny jeans, a dress, and combat boots. As we were walking to “pay”, since they used credits here, Jade found the make up. The girl behind the counter saw us stop and smiled.

”Want me to do your make up?” She said to us as she started walking out from behind the counter. Next thing we knew, our make up was done and we looked like true Dauntless. It was amazing what a little makeup could do for someone.

“That was so much fun! I wonder where Calum went though?” Jade said. I laughed when I saw him and the guys walk out from the tattoo parlor.

”Anyone get a tattoo?” I asked the guys in a teasing manor. All the guys looked down or started making excuses why they didn't. “Such babies.” I said to them shaking my head at them. I walked into the shop with the guys and Jade following right behind.

“Its not like you would get anything.” One of the guys said in a defensive tone.

“Is that a dare?” I said to him with a glint of excitement passing through me. I never backed down from a dare, no matter what.

“Hell yes it is.” He said defensively. I simply smirked at him, turned around and told the pierced and tattooed gentleman walking in the shop “I would like that one please.”

 

 

Which is how twenty minutes later I walked out of the tattoo parlor with a lip ring. Oops?

Jade and Calum gave me major props and we all walked down to the room where we would all be staying with the other initiates. I started to put all of my things away when it hit me, this was my new life. My family was gone, my friends, the life I knew was done. This was the start of a new beginning. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, counted to ten and then opened my eyes and put my fear behind me.

I started stripping until I was down to my bra and undies and crawled into my bed to sleep. It wasn’t the comfiest bed I have every slept on but it would do for the time being, until I was a Dauntless citizen.

 

The next morning came way to early as I heard someone shout “Fifteen minutes initiates!” I opened my eyes to see Eric standing in the doorway of the room smirking at the initiates slowly groaning or barely waking up. I just stood up out of bed and started walking to the bathroom, the one bathroom.

I felt a pair of eyes on me as I walked to the bathroom and turned to see Eric looking stunned that I would be confident enough to walk around in basically nothing. I merely smirked at him before I rounded the corner into the bathroom. Guys are so predictable.

 

Eric

 

I walked to the initiates room to hear sleeping bodies. It happens every year that the first night they aren’t programmed to wake up at certain time so they sleep in late. I always take joy in waking them up and seeing them hate life or curse. It’s a great past time of mine to see other people in pain. Is that a bad thing?

I walked into the room and shouted loudly “Fifteen minutes initiates!” As if on queue all the initiates started groaning and I even heard a faint “Fuck.” somewhere from in the room. I smiled at the scene until I saw what absolutely floored me. The big mouth Candor was walking to bathroom in just her bra and underwear. Nothing else. How could someone be so confident in front of people she doesn’t even know? I didn't realize I was staring until she turned and saw me. She smirked and rounded the corner. How dare she smirk at me like that! No girl gets the best of me! She was going to pay.

I stormed out of the room and went to the training room that we had for the initiates. I punched the nearest punching bag and scowled at it as it shook.

“Not happy princess?” Four asked me in a sarcastic tone.

“Shut the fuck up Four.” I said to him as I went and sat on top of the table holding the knives that the initiates would be using today.

 

Nikki

 

I showered, did my hair and make up and changed into my clothes. When I looked into the mirror I noticed for the first time how red my hair looked against my all black outfit. For years I had been dying my hair so I could get the perfect red color that didn't look fake. It was more of a burgundy red color and I loved it. My mom had been buying hair dye off of a Dauntless friend of hers for years. They were both Candor and she switched factions. Dauntless is the only faction that has hair dye so my mom started buying it from the former Candor friend and then started buying me some when I asked for her to dye my hair too.

Gradually over the years my mom has added more and more of the dye into my shampoo until it was the color I wanted; the red shade looking fantastic now. I had on a skin tight black top that hung off the shoulders, my new favorite super skinny jeans and my black combat boots, my lip ring standing out on my face.

“You look awesome.” Jade said to me as she stepped out of the shower.

“Thanks.” I said passively and walked down to get food before I would have to be in the training room. I quickly grabbed three muffins from one of the tables and turned back around to get to the room. I ended up outside the room with a few minutes to spare and handed Jade and Calum a muffin so we could all eat before we went inside.

We walked in together and joined the forming group that was standing in front of Eric and Four. Eric looked like his normal cheery self with a scowl on his face. Four looked hella amused by whatever had Eric on edge, looking at him occasionally and smiling.

“Today we will begin training with learning how to throw knives at a target.” Four said as he picked up a few knives. He rested in his palm and then threw it, landing it dead center of the board. He threw the other few he had in his hand and then turned to us. “I will only throw one more and then you will each stand in front of a target and practice for yourselves.” Four said. He threw the last one and I watched every movement he made, the way he took a moment to weigh the knife in his hand, the way he exhaled then inhaled, retracted his arm, and released with his whole arm flicking the wrist ever so slightly so it went sailing end over end finally embedding in the wood of the target, dead center just like the others.

We all started walking to our stations mine being next to Jade and an Abnegation transfer whose name was Cara. All the initiates started throwing knives at the boards with Four and Eric watching. I took a moment before I started throwing though and remembered what Four had done. I slowly took the knife in my hand, retracted my arm, and flung my wrist without letting go of the knife; simply practicing the motion. I did this a few more times before I heard someone speak in my ear.

“It helps if you throw the actual knife initiate.” Eric seethed into my ear. I rolled my eyes at him like I had before. “Do that one more time, I dare you. You will learn to respect authority.” He said to me as I narrowed my eyes at him and rolled the very exaggeratingly. I respected authority but something about Eric just irritated me beyond belief. I didn't care if I was nice to him or pissed him off.

Eric pulled the knives off the table and yelled out to everyone “Everyone stop.” Everyone slowly stopped and looked over at us. “Nikki here doesn’t want to listen to authority so we are going to demonstrate why you should listen. Four assist me here?” Eric said to Four as he handed him 5 knives. “Four here is going to throw these knives at you. You are going to stand with your back to that target. If you flinch at all, you will punished severely, if you move you will be punished, if you close your eyes you will be punished. Understand?” Eric said to me with the look of murder in his eyes. I opened my eyes so they looked doe like, pouted out my bottom lip and nodded my head innocently in a very sarcastic way. I wasn’t scared of knives. So what.

I stood with my back against the wall facing Four. He looked like he was doing this cause Eric was telling him not cause he actually wanted to hurt me. Four was obviously the understanding one in the pair of heartless Dauntless trainers. He took the first knife in hand, retracted and threw. The knife landed right next to my right arm. The next knife was already in his hand, he retracted again and the knife flew end over end into the board next to my left arm. The third knife was in his hand, he took a deep breath and then sent it flying into the board just above my head.

“Since you did that so bravely Nikki and were practicing your technique so much, why don’t you throw the last knife and have one of your initiates stand there.” Eric said in a mocking tone. He held the knife out to me for me to take it. I walked over to grab it and hadn’t noticed that the person standing up against the board was Calum.

I walked to where Four was throwing from. I took the knife in my hand, weighed the knife in my hand, I took a deep breath, smiled at a very nervous looking Calum, retracted and flicked the knife with my wrist. The knife went sailing end over end until it embedded in the board next to Calum’s stomach. I had gotten it so close to him that I had the tip of his t-shirt pinned in the board by the knife, purposely of course.

I turned to Eric with a very fake innocent looking face and just smiled at him. “I promise to listen next time Eric.” I said sweetly and Four dismissed us for a ten minute break before Eric killed me or all of us.


	5. Fight, Just Dont Be The One That Dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter how you fight, make sure if someone dies, it isnt you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone that has read and left me kudos! A special thanks to Arrowlover21 for giving me feedback by commenting! Much appreciated!!!! Sorry for taking so long with this chapter! I had work the last three days!!!

We came back from our ten minute break to see Four but no Eric. Oops, did I do that? Oh well. I dont feel guilty about it. He is older than me and should be able to put up with this shit. If he cant handle the heat, get the fuck out of my kitchen.

We practiced throwing knives until it was time for dinner. All of us left with Four walking farther in front of us.

I walked with Jade and Calum in silence as we winded through the halls towards to dinning area. It stayed silent until Calum spoke up and said "Thanks for not killing me...."

"Dude, don't worry." I said and smiled at him. He drapped his arm over my shoulder and we walked up to the table with food. We grabbed some burgers, fries and Dayntless cake. But I was careful how many extra calories I was consuming. I didn't need to put on extra weight. I needed to stay slim and fit. I needed to even put on muscle if I could.

They (mostly Calum) started eating Dauntless cake when Jade spoke up. "I wanna get a tattoo!" She said as his eyes lit up at the idea. "Let's all get one!" She said standing up with time.

"I'm down!" Calum said with his mouth full of cake. I laughed and stood up with them. I didn't want a tattoo just yet. I wanted to make sure I wasn't going home the first round. Then I might think about it.

We climbed the winding walk ways up to the tattoo parlor and started looking around at the different tattoo sketches. I was drawn to one section where the technique of the artist that drew them were impeccable. I was floored.

"You like?" I heard a voice say from behind me. I turned around to find a young Asian guy with a curled mustache, snakebites, an eyebrow piercing, and many tattoos on his arms and neck (and that was just what tattoos I could see).

"They are gorgeous. Whose are they?" I asked turning back to stare at my favorite of all the drawings. I gently ran my hand over the sketch as if it were fragile.

"They're mine. Names Mark." He said winking at me.

"Nikki." I said and smiled at him.

"You getting one today?" Mark asked me wit a smile. "Cause I'd be happy to do ya!"

I giggled at his remark and declined. "Nah, my friends getting one but I don't want to get one til I get through initiation first. But you can help me with one thing..."

"Nikki! You like?!" Jade asked me 20 minutes later pulling up her shirt (till it was just covering her boobs) to show me Dauntless flames up the side of her body.

"I love them!" I said genuinely.

"What tattoo did you get?" She asked me while she stared at herself in the mirror. I guess she at least made the right choice.

"I didn't get a tattoo."

"NIKKI YOU HAVE TO GET ONE!" She whined at me.

"Chill Jade. I got this." I said pointing to my new eyebrow piercing. "And this." I said and then stuck out my tongue to show her my diamond tongue stud in my new tongue piercing.

"Only you could look sexy with an eyebrow, lip and tongue piercing. Ugh. Life is not fair." Jade said to me as we walked out of the parlor.

 

"Today we will be practicing more hand to hand combat but against real life opponents. You will be judged every round. Defeat an opponent, you move up. Defeat an opponent better than you, move up considerably. Lose, you WILL move down. Lose to a weaker opponent, pray." Four said as he adjusted a blackboard so it was hanging right by the fighting arena.

"The name next to yours, is your opponent for today." Four said to us.

"There are only two ways the fights end. You can no longer continue. Meaning you are unconscious or dead. Or you concede. Doing so is cowardly ad looked down upon." Eric said as he strode into the room not even looking at us. Pompous jerk.

 

ERIC

 

I walked into the transfers training room to watch their first fights. These were always more interesting then the Dauntless born. Those were predictable.

I finally looked up from the knife I was holding and holy shit. I almost dropped my knife. I stopped mid stride and saw my smart ass Candor, with not one, but TWO piercings. Crap.

Four had his back turned and was adjusting the list while she and another girl laughed and joked around. She stuck out her tongue at the girl and I about fainted. She has a tongue stud. This girl.

Wait. Why the fuck do I care?! She is just some bitch ass big mouth Candor transfer. I could care less about her. She is just MY, pain in my side that won't go away. She is disposable and weak. I don't need her at all. She probably won't even make it past stage one of initiation. I don't care if she gets a tattoo of STUPID across her forehead.

It was probably the drinking last night. Note to self, no drinking when you save training the next day.

"Any words of advice for them Eric?" Four asked me with a smirk on his face.

"Fight, just don't be the one that dies."


	6. Fight Like A Warrior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter who it is you fight, fight like you mean it. Fight like you want it. Fight like it means something to you. But most importantly, fight like a warrior, never giving up in the face of danger or in the outcome where it looks like only defeat is possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE!!!! IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF FINALS WEEK RIGHT NOW AND UNIVERSITY CLASSES ARE NOT TO BE JOKED WITH!!!

Four slowly uncovered the list of names. I was going to be up against an Erudite transfer named Abigail. Jade was fighting Sarah who transferred from Abnegation. I looked further down the list and saw Calum fighting Ronald.

"The order you are listed on the board today, DOES NOT reflect your personal standings within initiation. We can not begin to rank you until you have fought at least once." Four said to us.

"After you will be ranked within the transfers and ranked with the Dauntless born. Your fights will also get harder for most of you since you will be fighting people around the same ability as you."

"Dauntless fight hard. We don't chicken out, we don't care if it's our best friend we are fighting, we fight as if this is it. Like this is our last chance. Fight hard, or just save us the time and effort, and leave now." Eric said to us in his oh so friendly voice.

I rolled my eyes at his threat. I already knew why I had to do. I didn't need him telling me so. He is just a big walking talking muscle. Nothing more, nothing less.

We were allowed to warm up before we fought. I stretched slightly and then practiced on the punching bag. All I had to do was get a few good hits in and I would be set.

"Ready for me to knock the stud right of your mouth Candor?!" Abigail seethed at me.

I glared at her but ignored what she said. She was only trying to get to me. I wouldn't let her empty words piss me off.

"After you lose, the only hope you will have of winning is sleeping with your instructor. Hmmmm Four or your little side kick Eric. You can do favors for him so he can keep your sorry ass around."

I lost it. How dare she. How dare she say those things to me!! I went to lunge but was held back by Calum. "Don't Nikki."

I struggled against him. All I needed was one good swing at her. Just one. "Save it for the fight Nikki. She's not worth getting punished by Four or Eric." Calum said to me calmly. I nodded at him twice as he let me go. I glared at her openly and walked away. I wanted blood and I wanted it now.

5 more minutes went by and then we were all called to the mat. I was ready.

"No rules except that you may not bite people. Other than that, good luck. Leave your shoes on. We want to see everything you can do in your first fight." Eric said to us half heartedly. He didn't give a shit about us.

I partially watched the fights taking place before me, but I was more concerned with my fight. I had everything to prove. I was going to show everyone that I wasn't to be messed with. That I wasn't someone you just fucked around with. I WAS to be taken seriously.

I heard my name being called and I smirked. I smirked an evil and murderous smirk cause I knew this bitch was going down.

"Begin." Was the last thing I heard Eric or Four (i don't even remember who) say.

I went into autopilot of what I have been taught before. I put my left arm up to block my face and punched her in the jaw with my right. Once, twice, three times and then I heard the all too familiar 'crack' of her nose breaking. I smirked as I saw the blood rushing out. She was desperately trying to cover

While she was distracted by the blood I started to throw my knee up into her side repeatedly. She started to crouch down to try desperately to cover herself. But I was not letting up. I wanted this girl to remember my name. I continued to throw my knee up into her until I saw my opportunity and swung a hard right hook into her jaw. She got disoriented by that and I swung again until she was on the floor. I smirked down at this girl. She was mine.

 

ERIC

 

She bent down until she was at her level on the ground, she put my mouth by her ear and whispered something to her, then proceeded to stand up, smirk an evil horrendous smirk, and kick the girl HARD right in face. So hard she blacked out. She scoffed at the girl on the floor and walked off the mat. 

This girl wasn't just smart or cocky or a smartass she was dangerous as hell.

NICOLE

 

I bent down to her side as she was laying on the floor. This girl was mine. I had finished her. I put my mouth by her ear and whispered to her the words she would never forget "Remember my name, bitch."

I stood straight up and smirked. After this, no one will fuck with me again. I pulled back my foot and kicked this girl HARD in the face. Now EVERYONE will see her face and remember I did that. She blacked out from the one kick and I scoffed at her. How weak is she to black out from one kick. Im done with this bitch. I walked off the mat and stood where I had previously to finish watching the other fights.


	7. APPOLIGIES

I'm so so so so so sorry that i haven't updated in forever! It's been a crazy few months with school and work and I was diagnosed with depression and high anxiety. But i PROMISE I have not forgotten about this and will try and update TODAY. DECEMBER 3RD. AND if not by the 5th cause I'm dying to continue this one! Sorry my lovelies! If I fail to do this please bitch at me on twitter @xxcarinickkixx cause I WILL see it hahaha love you guys!


	8. So What

To say that the room was awkward after I fought is the understatement of the century. It was almost dead silent with only Four talking to announce the names and the occasional comments from my fellow faction members... Well soon to be faction members... Well some of us.

Everyone finished and I was pretty happy. Calum won his fight easily. I won my fight easily and Jade struggled but got through hers and won. Which means that at the very least we aren't on the bottom of this faction... Yet.

 

"You're done for today. Enjoy free time and clean yourselves up for fuck sake." Eric said to us harshly. I honestly just cant help it with him. It's like the biggest reflex in the world to just roll my eyes when he speaks. I can't help it. It's not like I want to royally piss off a Dauntless leader but cant blame a girl for being annoyed at someone's presence... Right?

I spaced out for a moment so I started leaving the room behind everyone else. I was almost out the door when I felt a hand grab my wrist and stop me. I silently prayed that Eric wasn't going to yell at me for the umpteenth time, if it was even him that stopped me.

I slowly turned around to see who stopped me from leaving to see none other than our brave and fearless Dauntless leader, Eric standing there. "What Eric?" I asked sharply.

"You beat that girl to a bloody pulp." Eric said to me slowly and hesitating almost, as if he wanted to word it perfectly so that I would understand him and what he meant.

"So what?" I said annoyed. I had my first day of tattoo parlor punishment from good ol' Eric here and I was going to be late as fuck if he didn't get to the bloody point.

"Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to respond but I hesitated because that was not the question or statement I was expecting him to say to me. I closed my mouth, my reply never coming out. I paused and thought about it... Was I okay? And even if I wasn't, could I talk about it openly with heartless and cold Eric? No and no.

"I'm fine Eric. Thanks." I said and half smiled at him. He may be a cold heartless asshole but I think somewhere in there, he has a heart and has just been hurt too many times to remember what its like to actually like someone... Or tolerate them.


	9. Are You Okay?

I quickly left Eric in the training room and made my way to the tattoo parlor so I could put in my first shift. As I climbed the paths up to the shop I thought about what Eric had asked me and wondered why it had thrown me so badly. Why did it bug me so much that he wanted to know if I was okay? He was a Dauntless leader and he wasnt suppossed to give a shit about us as initiates let alone care if we were okay. 

I walked in and was greated by a girl who introduced herself as Skye and another guy whose name was Matt. Skye told me that I would be working closely with Mark today, which is who gave me my piercing the other day. Which was perfect for me. He seemed like a nice enough guy.

My initial observation was correct, Mark was awesome. He joked around with me and let me clean a few needles and then just kinda sit and chill with him until my time was up for the day. He hugged me goodbye and then I was free to go.

I practically ran down the paths to go find my friends cause that was torture. Even though Mark was super chill he also kinda made me even more pissed at Eric. Cause if that was punishment then Eric is seriously wacked. Not that I dont wanna see Mark and hang out, but that takes away time that I could be practicing or even hanging out with my friends.

I found Calum right away and Jade was right by him. They were all gathered around with other Dauntless people looking at something and loud shouts were coming from whatever was taking place in the circle. I jogged over and gasped right away. In the middle of the circle was a fight taking place and it was Eric and some other Dauntless boy. I couldnt help my immediate reaction from being a baby sister all these years, it was a knee jerk reaction.

"ERIC!" I yelled at him and it was like magic. He pushed the boy off of him and stopped. He looked over at me and saw the fear, confussion and slight proud stare I was giving him. He fixed his shirt and walked out of the circle. The other boy was a bloody mess. He had to at least have a split lip, a broken nose, and his eyebrow was split and gushing blood. Some older Dauntless men helped him up and walked him towards what I believe the direction of the infirmary was.

After the shock of seeing him so bloody and destroyed sunk in I turned around to see Eric calmly climbing the paths up to the leaders living quaters. I quickly ran to catch up to him. Something in me knew I needed to follow him. I needed to make sure he was okay.

I finally caught up to him as we both entered the first hallway. "Eric." I softly whispered as I didnt want to startle him or set him off again.

"What do you want Nikki?" He seethed at me not turning around but frozen where he stood with his back to me.

"Its my turn now to ask, are you okay Eric?" I asked softly.


	10. Reactions That Leave Questions Instead of Answers

It was like time was frozen. The question had left my mouth but I was unsure if Eric had heard me correctly or had even wanted to answer me. I stood there frozen as well. I wanted to move towards Eric and see if he was okay but I knew at the same time I shouldnt. I had the voice in my head telling me not to.

Eric finally, after what felt like an eternity but was probably more like 2 minutes, continued to walk down the hall without turning towards me or answering my question. I sighed knowing that Eric was more like myself than I would like to admit. Especially the stubborn part of me. I stood there feeling defeated when Eric stopped at the end of the hallway and turned around towards me and asked me "Are you coming or not?" and continued to walk without even waiting for my response.

I lightly jogged to catch up to him and watched him climb a small spiral staircase at the end of the hallway up to the only room on the floor above. I climbed the stairs and was soon directly behind Eric. He punched in a code on a key pad that was attached to his door. He walked in and I followed him into what I assumed to be his living quaters. His "appartment" was really nice. It was a more modern style but had cozy undertones. Everything was in different shades of gray, white, and black. He continued walking into his kitchen area and turned on the faucet. Which is when I realized how badly his hands were torn up and how there was blood all over him.

Wordlessly I put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him to sit down on one of the stools as I pulled a clean towel off a hook in the kitchen and wet it to begin cleaning Eric off. Having an older brother and his older friends meant that I did a lot of this. I did a lot of cleaning and patching wounds so that the parents wouldnt see by the time they got home. So as soon as I got started it all reminded me of home. I grabbed Erics left hand and began to slowly clean off all the blood being careful not to irritate the knuckles too much since the skin was split on a few. I grabbed his right hand and did the same being careful not to hurt him too much. Then I turned towards Eric's face and slowly began to clean off the blood that had gotten on his face still unclear if it was his or not. I wiped his face being gentle as so I wouldnt hurt him. He ever so slightly leaned his face into my towel as to awknowledge th fact that he was greatful for what I was doing. I wiped all the blood from his face and let out a breath I didnt know I was holding in seeing that none of the blood on his face was his own. I began to wipe the stray blood on his neck clean and from habit took off his shirt to clean the rest off and get him into a clean shirt.

Thats when it hit me what I was doing. I had just taken off the shirt of one of my Dauntless leaders.

"I-I Im sorry, I should go." I quickly said and began to walk out of his appartment in a hurry. But before I could get more than two steps I felt someone grab my wrist and stop me in my tracks. I didnt turn around in fear of what Eric would say or do to me. I didnt need more trouble with him.

"Nikki." He softly whispered which made me turn around and look at him. "Thank you." He said to me and looked at me with the most care I had ever seen grace Eric's face. I was shell shocked. He looked like he genuinely was thankful for what I had done for him. That was when I noticed his very toned chest and his tattoos. He had one on his hip bone that I could only see partially and another one on his rib cage that wrapped onto his back. He also had his nipples pierced. This boy and piercings and tattoos. Its like a drug to him I swear. I also noticed then that he hadnt let go of my wrist. I smiled at Eric and whispered a quick "You are welcome." and walked out of his appartment before I did something I would regret.

As soon as I was down the spiral staircase I had my back against the nearest wall and was taking deep breaths to try and calm myself from what just happened. Oh goodness. I need to go get rid of this feeling in my stomach. I need to use and abuse another boy so I can forget all about Eric and his stupid perfect toned chest and abs.


	11. I Never Liked Lists Anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been brought to my attention by some of my lovely readers and dedicated followers that there is a similar story to mine on this website. Unfortunetly this thing is to be expected when we all are in the same fandom and have read each others works and are basing our same foundation off the same information. But it also saddens me that my idea was used again by someone else... I digress. LOVE YOU ALL!!!! <3

Avoiding is an understatement. I went out of my way to avoid Eric as much as I possibly could. I wanted no part of his drama or what he had to bring to the table. All I wanted was to get through part one of this initiation. Which the first cut was coming up in two days. Today were our final fights and then they would delibrate and rank us. Jade and Calum were both at the top of the rankings with myself throughout most of this. None of us had to fight each other yet which was awesome because I cant imagine punching Jade or trying to win against Calum.

We all sat in the dinning hall having a light breakfast before we had to go fight our last fight. I was nervous but I was ready to fight this person.

After walking into the training room we saw the board with our name written on it. It was

1.Calum  
2\. Myself  
3\. Jordyn  
4\. Jade

and so on and so on. Meaning that unless we really failed today, me and my friends were going to be in Stage Two! Thank goodness. I love them both.

 

"Today you will be fighting the person closest to you in rank. So the 1st will fight the 2nd the 3rd will fight the 4th and so on until the end of the list. That way we can accurately rank you." Four told us holding up a data collector. They were small pads that the different factions used to record data electronically. So most likely Four was going to take notes while it recorded the fight to make sure he didnt play favoritism. I was ready to go and pumped until it sunk in that I would be fighting Calum. Damn it.

Calum looked at me and half smiled knowing this was going to be bloody for both of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been brought to my attention by some of my lovely readers and dedicated followers that there is a similar story to mine on this website. Unfortunetly this thing is to be expected when we all are in the same fandom and have read each others works and are basing our same foundation off the same information. But it also saddens me that my idea was used again by someone else... I digress. LOVE YOU ALL!!!! <3
> 
>  
> 
> I WILL WRITE THE REST IN THE NEXT CHAPTER I SWEAR. I HAD TO GO AND I CANT FINISH THIS NOW SORRY SORRY SORRY!


	12. You Let Him Didn't You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR ALL OF MY LOVELY FOLLOWERS!!! STAY FLAWLESS *MUAH*

Nikki's POV

Deep and utter panic is setting in. I'm not sure if I can full on attack my closest friend. I was close with Jade but me and Calum have just bonded. We've talked about family and friends and the struggle to fit in and he is the only one I have told about Eric, all of it. I confided in him everything that has happened between the two of us and he has helped me in the last week avoid Eric at all costs. Even going as far as to push me into a room when he spotted Eric coming towards us. He is a great friend and someone I can really rely on.

We were given 5 minutes to warm up before the fights were to begin. Me and Calum were quietly warming up in the corner just letting our thoughts sink in when I leaned over to him "Don't hold back." I whispered to him.

"What do you mean?" He whispered angrily at me.

"It means that if I lose, I will still be fine but if you lose it could knock you out of the top. Eric doesn't take losing to a girl lightly and the last thing I need is you FACTIONLESS." I whispered the last bit louder to him. He looked at me quizzically before it registered in his head that what I was saying was true. He sighed and nodded his head agreeing with me. I smiled and we went back to warming up. I would throw the fight and secure both of our positions here.

~~~~OUR FIGHT~~~~

"Nikki, Calum. Now." Eric said angrily to the two of us. I know most of the anger was directed towards me. But I wasn't ready to divulge all of my secrets to him yet and I couldn't trust myself around him. He was too familiar and too much like what I've always known.

I walked up on the platform with Calum and we both nodded out heads. "Go." We heard Four yell at us.

We circled around each other before I struck first. I served him a right uppercut, which he blocked and punched me in the stomach. I got the wind knocked out of me and then was leg swept by Calum. My face and body hit the mat and I groaned. I knew letting Calum win wouldn't be pleasant but I really hate being beat. I got up swiftly and punched Calum right in the middle of his right side ribs. He groaned at the hit and I was able to punch the left side of his face as he left it vulnerable. But he retaliated quickly by punching me in the ear which disoriented me. He took the opportunity to punch my ribs and then quickly knock me off my balance. Once I was on the mat I got one swift kick to the face and I was knocked out.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I groaned as I woke up. I was so out of it I had no idea where I was or why I was in so much pain. Then it all came rushing back to me. The fight, the throwing of the fight and all of Calum's deadly blows. I was going to have to yell at him later for that.

 

I turned to my right to see a figure sitting in the only chair of this room. Eric.

 

"What are you doing here?" I whispered just barely loud enough for him to hear.

 

"You let him didn't you, you let him win." He said to me forcefully as more of a fact than a question.

 

"No." I said quietly but with force.

 

"You are as bad of a liar, as you are of an actress." He seethed, apparently very angry with me.

 

"Fuck you Eric. I don't owe you an explanation for anything." I yelled at him, raising my voice and surprising myself by how forceful I sounded.

 

"I guess not." He said with no emotion and walked out of the room. I knew then that he was no longer talking about the fight, he was talking about us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR ALL OF MY LOVELY FOLLOWERS!!! STAY FLAWLESS *MUAH*


	13. Flashbacks Are A Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR THE AMAZING COMMENTS AND REVIEWS ON MY STORY GUYS!!! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!
> 
>  
> 
> Special thanks to FoolishRoyal for being an amazing follower and giving me great feedback! Much appreciated mi amor! *kisses*

Nikki's POV

 

Being in a hospital is horrible. Especially when you "may have obtained a concussion". Annoying nurses. The worst part being that they kept giving me a sedative to knock me out so that I could recover and let me tell you, that shit gives you dreams for days. in my case, they were more like nightmares.

 

_Dream (Flashback)_

 

_"What are you doing here Nick?! You were supposed to be **GONE** for the day." I angrily yelled at my brother as the stepped into the house. My parents were attending some workshop seminar thing for the weekend so they would be gone until Sunday night. During that time Nick was supposed to be staying with the Bishop family. Their middle son, Jacob, was Nick's age. _

 

_The truth will set you free._

 

_"Hey Jacob." I whispered quietly at him. I was incredibly shy around him and I couldnt help myself. He was strikingly gorgeous. He had the most beautifuly flawless skin. It was neither dark or super light. The perfect mix. He also had short brown hair and the brightest blue eyes. When you looked at him you couldn't tell if he was harsh looking or just gorgeous. He was a dream to all the Candor girls. All of  Candor youth either wanted him or wanted to be him._

 

_The truth will set you free._

 

_"Hey shorty." He said to me and winked. He always would flirt with me when he came with my brother. No matter what. I had no idea if he did it cause he knew that it flustered me or he did it cause he wanted to actually try something with me._

 

_The truth will set you free._

 

_My brother walked into his bedroom to grab whatever he had come for leaving Jacob and myself in the living room. I smiled at him when he confused me beyond imaginable. He looked at me seriously and put up one finger to his lips to signal me to be quiet. i nodded my head and he smiled at me. Then he shocked me and put his hand on my cheek as he leaned in quickly to kiss me. We stayed lip locked for a few seconds before he broke the kiss. I stepped back from him and he smirked at me and winked as Nick walked back in the room._

 

_ The truth will set you free.  
_

 

_"Dude, I couldn't find it." Nick told Jacob. Jacob smirked at me and said "I guess maybe I do have it at home." After that they both walked out and I was left there confused as ever_

 

Gasping. I was gasping for breath after seeing his face. "No no no no no you can't make me. No no no." I repeated to myself as I gasped for a breath. I was struggling to grasp reality and what was going on. He felt so real and I couldn't deal with being around him. I was vaguely aware of a nurse coming over to me and trying to calm me down. I couldn't though. I was free of him. How could he get here?! I was still gasping for breath when they world started to spin. I looked down at my arm and saw a needle in my arm. I was being sedated again.

 

"Please." I whispered up at the nurse.

 

"Its okay honey. We will fix it." She said smiling. Little did she know was that I was pleading for the opposite. I couldn't be sedated again. I couldn't see him again.

 

_Dream (Flashback)_

 

_Hand in hand Jacob walked with me towards his house. We were smiling and laughing on this day, a rare day. Jacob and I had started to date behind my brothers back and he was my first love. We saw eye to eye on so many things but lets just say being in Candor had its down sides. We were taught that "The truth will set you free." So everything is shared. All feelings, all thoughts, everything. Which caused horrendous fights for Jacob and I._

 

_ The truth will set you free. _

 

_We walked into Jacob's empty house and practically ran up to his room. He both sat on his bed and both started kissing. Jacob started trying to take off my top and I stilled his hand._

 

_"No Jacob." I said angry that once again this was the only thought on his mind. It had only been a month and I wasn't ready to be intimate like that with him._

 

_ The truth will set you free. _

 

_"I'm so sick of this. You want to tease and be an adult and they when it comes down to committing, you hold back. You stupid slut." He yelled at me and they I felt it before I knew what was happening. I felt the sting of my cheek from where he had hit me. The tears had started to roll down my cheeks faster than they ever had. I was dead silent._

 

_"I'm so sorry shorty." He said and hugged me._

 

_ The truth will set you free. _

 

_Time after time following that day, Jacob would hit me. Hitting followed by apologies. Then the apologies stopped coming. Then it was nothing but hitting, smacking, punching, pushing, and everything in between. I was a mess._

 

_The truth will set you free._

 

_I finally got the courage to do what I couldn't for so long. I went to tell my brother about what was going on. He was family, He was faction. He was my brother. He was there to protect me from anything._

 

_"I can't believe you would say something like this! Jacob is my **friend**! How could you make up things like this?! He could get in a ton of trouble with the faction! Don't speak to me anymore. Get out!" He screamed at me. I left his room crying. My own brother._

 

_I ran until I couldn't anymore._

 

_ The truth will set you free?  
_

 

I woke up from my sedation and just sat on my bed with tears rolling down my face. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR THE AMAZING COMMENTS AND REVIEWS ON MY STORY GUYS!!! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!


	14. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you guys <3 THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT HAS LEFT KUDOS!!!! -----> collarsupervampbeast, KathryneAutumn, soundeffects, ObessedWithAdamWadeGontier, ObessedWithAdamWadeGontier, ChuckStruck23, fandom770girly, WolfGurl03, thisworthierking, Blondie99, sota115, kuuleinani93, Toohardtobecalledlove, musicinmymind13, Calum_Hood_Girl, Mysteriously_Me_5SOS, coeurdetenebre, danageorgialee, TheLovelyGhost, ApocalipticZombie, Arrowlover21, Raynacch_Silvermoon, Ridea, and cleopatra1selene

Nikki's POV

 

 

Calum and Jade came to see me in the hospital and filled me in on everything. Calum placed first, I placed second and Jade is safe for now. I guess she lost her last fight really bad and is lucky to still be here. She had stitches above her eye and a few bruised ribs. Luckily they were giving us 5 days before we started phase two. Which most likely tear me apart.

"Nikki, are you okay?" Calum asked me for the 3rd time since they had walked into the room. I nodded my head and looked away from them. It wasn't their fault that I was upset but I couldn't speak with people right now. They understood and left me alone.

 

I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone.

 

I sat there collecting my thoughts and trying to forget about Jacob. Jacob was gone. He was gone. The problem was that I can still feel him. I feel his laugh, his stare, his winks, his hugs, his smile... I'm reminded every day here at Dauntless of Jacob when I see Eric. They could be twins. I can't handle it. I grew so attached to Jacob. He was everything to me. He was my first kiss, my first real boyfriend, my first love... He was my everything. Even when things got bad I couldn't make myself turn my back on him. I couldn't leave him. He was my best friend at the time. But he is also the reason I ended up at Dauntless... But I had to stop. I had to put this behind me.

 

I stood up, sick and tired of the pity party. I ripped out the IV's I had and started to dress in my regular Dauntless clothes that were folded on the table next to the bed. I smoothed out my clothes and shoved my feet into my boots. I was done with this. Walking down to the training rooms in the middle of the night was creepy as hell. It was not something I ever recommend doing. But after about 10 minutes of slowly walking to the room I walked into the room that had knocked me down. I refuse to stand down.

 

Knock me down 7 times, I will stand up 8.

 

_Punch. Punch. Jab. Punch. Jab. Jab._

 

I didn't even know how long I had been down in the training room. All I knew was that I was tired and sore but I still would not give up. I needed my confidence back before someone realizes that my game is down. I continued to hit the punching bag repeatedly until I started to mix things up and throw some leg kicks into it. I was going to be on my game. Nothing. Nothing, was going to come in between me and becoming a Dauntless member.

 

Eric's POV (I bet ya missed him!)

 

I couldn't believe my eyes. She was in the training room! Not even 24 hours ago she was bloody and knocked out on the mat after her last fight. It was bad. Really bad. No one wanted to say anything but she was lucky to be alive. She split open the flesh above her eye and had 26 stitches put in, she had 3 broken ribs, and a bad concussion. I went to see her a couple times to check on her.

 

For the life of me, I can't tell you why this girl has me this worked up. She's just some girl but at the same time, she isn't. She's not smart or cunning or vicious or girly or weak or determined, she's this strange mix of all of them. She is the type of person that you feel like you know everything about her and then you realize that all you know is what she lets you know.

 

Her form was crazy. Perfect kicks, perfect punches. Nothing needed correcting like the other initiates. It just didn't make sense though. There were even Dauntless members that didn't have as good as form as she did. She had secrets. But this next stage of initiation didn't allow you to have secrets. Secrets were other factions, not Dauntless.

 

Nikki's POV

 

After what I assumed was about 4 hours of training, I finally stopped. I sat there catching my breath and then I felt the dull pain set in.

 

"Fuck." I whispered looking at my hands. I had bruised them severely. My hands were different shades of purple and red. The ache was dull but it would get worse as time went on. I also saw that I had cut open a few of my knuckles. I sighed annoyed at this development. Stupid me for being too focused.

 

I grabbed the wrap I had stolen from the infirmary before I had left and began to wrap my hands up tightly. It would help with the swelling and my broken knuckles. I looked down to examine my shins to see the purple bruises starting to form. I shrugged my shoulders, used to having to cover bruises. But at least in Dauntless I didn't have to cover them. I was free to show off my bruises. Hey, if I'm lucky, maybe people will not see me as much of a threat cause I'm so badly torn up.\

 

 

_3 days later_

 

Tomorrow we started the second stage of initiation and worried was an understatement. No one knew what was going to take place in the second stage and it worried us. More fighting we could handle, this uncertainty, not so much.

 

It was weird to look around the Chasm at the initiates and some were missing. They had made cuts while I was in the infirmary, hospital thing. 4 people were cut. Two from the Dauntless born and two from the transfers were cut.

 

"Ready for tomorrow?" Jade asked me happily as she sat down next to me. I smiled nicely and nodded. Ever since I had been sedated I really haven't talked. I will when I have to or if it slips out but I am just trying desperately to keep things together. I don't need pointless conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to update more I swear! I'm shooting to be done (or really close to it) around the Insurgent release (in the USA) LOVE YALL! I also extended it. I don't think I could write everything in 30 chapters so I extended it to 45. It is just a rough estimate so don't shoot me if its longer or shorter!


	15. Stage 2 or Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK <3

Teaser ;) I will post the rest later.

 

Nikki's POV

 

Stage two was starting today and I was less than thrilled. I had finally shaken my nightmares and was able to sleep properly but I was still shaken from everything that had happened. But I was determined to put everything behind me and try to make this the best that I could. This was mine to win.... Well succeed at.

 

After showering, doing my makeup and getting changed I walked down to go eat some breakfast. I was craving some waffles really bad, waffles drowning in syrup. As I dug into my waffle Jade and Calum came to sit next to me.

 

"Hey guys." I said rather chipper to them. They both looked shocked at my greeting since my silence had been haunting us all the last few days. I was ready to talk and enjoy my friends. I didn't want to be this person I had been the last few days. I wanted to be me. We joked around and laughed with one another until it was time to go. We walked together to the corridor we were supposed to meet in and saw all of the initiates, Dauntless born and transfers.

 

"Today." Eric's voice boomed through the echoey corridor "Four and I will be evaluating each and every one of you individually. This will  _not_ be physical. It will be a mental test. To become a successful Dauntless member you must be able to face your greatest fears and try to conquer them. This will help you become stronger."

 

I gulped. I would be facing my fears... Well I'm fucked. 

 

 

 

**_Comment! Leave kudos! Or review!_ **

 

 

**_I will post the rest of it after I get 5 of those my readers <3 KISSES ;)_ **


	16. Stage 2 or Hell (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So angry. I had typed out a hella long chapter and it was all wiped clean cause my internet crashed. So upset. Sorry guys. I had intended it to be last week and I was just too upset on Friday to retype it. But I retyped it now (I liked it the first way better but whatevs).

_Nikki's POV_

_Stage two was starting today and I was less than thrilled. I had finally shaken my nightmares and was able to sleep properly but I was still shaken from everything that had happened. But I was determined to put everything behind me and try to make this the best that I could. This was mine to win.... Well succeed at._

_After showering, doing my makeup and getting changed I walked down to go eat some breakfast. I was craving some waffles really bad, waffles drowning in syrup. As I dug into my waffle Jade and Calum came to sit next to me._

_"Hey guys." I said rather chipper to them. They both looked shocked at my greeting since my silence had been haunting us all the last few days. I was ready to talk and enjoy my friends. I didn't want to be this person I had been the last few days. I wanted to be me. We joked around and laughed with one another until it was time to go. We walked together to the corridor we were supposed to meet in and saw all of the initiates, Dauntless born and transfers._

_"Today." Eric's voice boomed through the echoey corridor "Four and I will be evaluating each and every one of you individually. This will not be physical. It will be a mental test. To become a successful Dauntless member you must be able to face your greatest fears and try to conquer them. This will help you become stronger."_

_I gulped. I would be facing my fears... Well I'm fucked._

 

We stood there as Eric and Four explained to us what would be taking place, well, to an extent. They told us how they would be calling us in one by one to the rooms behind them. Then after we had finished we were free to enjoy the day to ourselves. To say I was worried would be an understatement. This was huge. I couldn't believe that whatever was behind that door was the equivalent of several hours worth of physical training.

 

"Jade." Four called and walked into the left door.

"Axel." Eric called and walked into the right door.

 

Then it was a waiting game. We were all instructed to wait in the corridor until our name was called by either Eric or Four. Time was passing slowly and Calum and I had sat next to each other to try and entertain one and another. We were joking around as more and more people were called and we sat in the corridor. I had picked up that they might have been doing it from lowest rank to highest rank. Which means that I don't mind waiting longer for my name to be called.

 

Calum and I were laying with our backs on the floor, looking up at the ceiling when he turned to me and started telling me faction jokes. "Why does Amity love lunch so much?" He asked me. I giggled and asked him why. "Cause they always have sandwiches." He both started laughing at his dumb joke. It was a well known rumor that Amity laced their bread with something to make all of their faction members "happy".

 

We were so busy laughing that we didnt even notice Eric and Four step out of their rooms.

 

"Calum."

"Nikki."

 

We both sat up looking over at the two of them. Neither of us paying enough attention to what they had said to know who we were supposed to go with. I looked over at Eric seeing him with a cold expression but an unreadable one at that. Then I looked at Four to see him looking directly at Calum. I guess that answered my question. I followed Eric into the room and assessed my surroundings right away. The room was spotless. Three shot glasses with different colored serums sat on a small metal tray that was placed next to a doctors examination chair. I assumed that that was where I would be sitting. Next to the serums were electrodes that were attached to a monitor.

 

"I will be administering this test to you. You are to going to be put into a simulation..." and I tuned him out. I knew what this serum would do to me. Coming from a long lineage of Candor's had it's perks. Both my mother and father were high up in the Candor government which meant that I knew more than I should on a daily basis. I knew first hand that the Candor's had created a truth serum. It was supposed to to lower your inhibitions so that you were more willing and open to share your secrets. Its also had other qualities to it but, that I didn't know. All I knew was that it made you talk and never shut up. But I did know one thing, this serum was one of many. Candor enlisted Erudites to help them correctly formulate the serum. After rumors spread and then were confirmed by Candor themselves, all of the factions wanted one. Amity had their own "happy" serum created which is denied, denied, denied. Shortly after the serum was created for Candor, the Erudites came out with the faction serum, which helped us know where we belonged.

 

Rumors had it (which I knew were true) that Dauntless had a modified version of that serum to help alter the state you go into. Instead of making choices that show your character traits, you are sent into a simulation to "face your fears". Basically they scare the living shit out of you and see if you can fight your way out of it. Freaking psycho Dauntless. Only them.

 

"Do you understand these instructions as I have read them to you?" Eric asked me at the end of his lecture. He still wouldn't look at me. I understood why but at the same time, a little part inside of me was hurt. I nodded my head and waited for Eric to set the electrodes up on my head. This would allow them to see whatever I saw. But I had a pretty good idea what Eric would be watching.

 

"Take the teal serum now." I took the first one and heard the monitor start to feed out information. This one hooked up my heart rate, pulse, vital signs, ect to the machine. "Take the purple serum." This one actually helped display the image in my mind onto the screen once I was in the simulation. But it wouldn't start until I ingested the clear one. "Take the clear one now."

 

I grabbed the shot glass with the clear liquid inside. I held it in my hands and just stared at it. "Eric," I whispered to him without looking up at him. I paused to take a deep breath before I had the courage to tell him. "Please don't judge me. It's not something I'm proud of." Then I downed the serum quickly and waited for the serum to plunge me into the nightmare that I was so used to.

 

_Laughing. I was in my house and we were all laughing. I'm not sure why or what was so funny but I could feel myself laughing along as we all enjoyed whatever had made us laugh. My mom, dad and brother were all around me talking in our living room. I was too focused on studying my surroundings to actually understand what I was seeing. It was like I was in a dream. My house felt foreign to me._

 

_The sound of the front door opening made my head turn in that direction and in walked the Ramona's. Why were they here? Who invited them? Iana, David and my boyfriend Jacob walked in. I smiled at the thought of us all hanging out together. We were always close family friends._

 

_Jacob smiled at me and ran over to hug me. Then he started doing the unthinkable, he started kissing my neck._

 

_"Jacob. Jacob! Stop! Everyone is going to see." I urged him trying to push him away. No one in either of our families knew since Jacob was older than me and already a faction member. It was strictly against Candor law to become involved with someone who is not a faction member in case they decide to switch factions or do not make it through initiation._

 

_"Don't you love me? Don't you want everyone to know? ARE YOU EMBARRASSED BY ME?!" He spoke to me with his voice steadily increasing. I flinched at his words unable to respond. "You stupid-" **smack** "ungrateful-"  **smack** "SLUT!"  **smack**. The everyday nightmare was back. I felt the place where his hand had once been and it stung with a fresh hit. It would be something I would have to cover in the morning with makeup. **  
**_

 

_"Please stop Jay." I said using my nickname for him that I had so many times before._

 

_"NO! Ungrateful sluts like you need to learn their place in life!" He said and started to attack me. Punching, kicking, shoving, and everything in between. I was in a ball on the floor with him repeatedly kicking me. After what felt like an eternity I finally found the strength to stand up. I could feel the bruises and the pain in my ribs where he had surely broken something. He smacked me again and I turned to him with all the energy I had left._

 

_"Just do it. Just kill me already! Just KILL ME already! JUST KILL ME ALREADY!" I screamed at him._

 

I was immediately thrown out of the simulation. But that was the least of my concerns. I was a mess. I scrambled out of the seat I was in and moved to a corner in the room I was in. I was shaking and rocking back and forth. Sobbing. I could hear myself sobbing and gasping for breath but couldn't do a thing to stop myself. I was having this out of body experience where I knew that it was taking place but I just couldn't stop. I was hugging my knees and rocking back and forth trying desperately to forget his face.

 

Eric's POV

 

I was furious and confused and felt so sorry for her. Nikki was abused when she was younger by what I could see was her boyfriend or someone she liked. The simulation seemed to drag on forever with her feeling the pain of every blow. Then she was screaming at him and was pulled out of the simulation.

 

She was a mess. She was having a full on mental breakdown in the room. I slowly approached her and wrapped my arms around her. She had her head on my chest and was still sobbing uncontrollably. I had no idea if she was even aware that I was there with her or if she was blocking everything out. No matter how heartless I had become or how tuned out I had been I needed to comfort this girl. I needed her to be alright. I sighed and started to stroke her hair. Bad idea. That's when she came out of it all. She looked at me with wide eyes and got up quicker than I have ever seen anyone do and raced out of the room.

 

It was like she was never there.

 

Nikki's POV

 

I was having a complete and utter melt down when I felt it. I felt someone touching me and I flipped out. I looked with wide eyes at who was touching me and I saw Jacob... Eric. I ran. I got up so quickly that I probably twisted my ankle with the pain I felt shoot up in that area. But I couldn't stop. I ran and ran and ran until I was on the roof across from the railway. I took a running start and jumped. I could hear the train coming and I needed a chance to think. I was standing on the small ledge and lunged myself into an empty cart. I was breathing deeply and trying to right myself.


	17. Oh Yay...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to everyone who has supported me and commented on my chapters! Love you!❤

Nikki's POV

I dont know how long I was on the train, the only thing I knew was that by the time I calmed down and the world stopped caving in on me, it was dark outside. I sighed looking down at my now swollen ankle. That was going to be hell to land on when I jumped from the train. I sighed and slowly stood up. I walked to the opening on the train and looked out. I had about 2 minutes before I would have to jump. I had to be really careful about this or I would really screw up my ankle.

One. Two. Three. The feeling of freefall is something you will never get used to. It's scary and thrilling and happens quickly yet slowly. Its a beautiful feeling that is addicting to a thrill seeker. 

Pain. Oh the pain was killing me. My ankle was worse than I thought and it was going to be a challenge to get through the compound without falling or just breaking down from the pain.

"This is what you get for running out.." I heard the voice that I was dreading to hear. I hadn't seen him on the roof when I jumped. I took a deep breath and looked up at him.

"You are lucky I like you, or else this conversation would be going much differently..." He said and half smiled at me.

"Hi Four...." I said and meekly smiled.

"Come on. Lets get you inside and get that taken care of." He said and put my arm over his shoulder so that I could lean on him.

"Eric tell you?" I asked passively when we were far enough in the compound that no one would hear us.

"Yes. He said to watch out for you, but that was about it. Speaking of the devil, we are going to his room. He has a first aid kit that we can use to bandage that. It needs to be wrapped or else the swelling will only get worse." He said in a tone that made me think that I really didn't have a choice in the matter and even if I did, it didn't matter. Sighing I started to follow his lead to Eric's room. Luckily it was late and no one would see me come this way.

Four knocked on Eric's door quietly and cursing could be heard from the other side of the door. To say I was nervous would be an understatement... I was terrified.

"What do you want Four?!" Eric seethed out before even looking who was at the door.

"She twisted it pretty bad Eric. It needs to be bandaged before the swelling gets out of hand." Four said to Eric in the calmest voice I have ever heard Four use.

"Oh yay... She's here... Set her on the sofa while I get what I need. You can go back to work Four." Eric said dismissively. Four weakly smiled at me as he placed me on the sofa and left. Well fuck. This is going to be just great.


	18. APOLOGIES (not a chapter)

I am SO SO SO SO SO SO sorry I haven't updated in like two weeks!! I was feeling sick and thought I had a cold so I wasn't writing cause it was all turning out shit. Turns out I was feeling so bad that I ended up in the Emergency Room and was half dead. 8 hours in the ER later they told me I was severely dehydrated and was lucky I came in cause I may not have made it through the night with the condition I was in. I have the flu and I STG once I feel better I will update a super duper long chapter! Sorry everyone! Really didnt mean to go this long without an update!


	19. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone that has sent me get well messages! I really appreciate it and I love that you all care! Back at it again!! :)

**Recap**

_Four knocked on Eric's door quietly and cursing could be heard from the other side of the door. To say I was nervous would be an understatement... I was terrified._

_"What do you want Four?!" Eric seethed out before even looking who was at the door._

_"She twisted it pretty bad Eric. It needs to be bandaged before the swelling gets out of hand." Four said to Eric in the calmest voice I have ever heard Four use._

_"Oh yay... She's here... Set her on the sofa while I get what I need. You can go back to work Four." Eric said dismissively. Four weakly smiled at me as he placed me on the sofa and left. Well fuck. This is going to be just great._

 

**End Recap**

As I was sitting, in what I assume is the living room, I started to look around. The last time I was in here I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings. But I was surprised at how tidy and organized his apartment was. Most guys weren't very neat let alone this neat. It definitely seemed like one of those places where everything had a place and nothing was just lying around. It was very modern but also felt very relaxed. It probably just seemed up tight because I knew Eric lived here. That automatically made the space more uptight. Speak of the devil he had walked back into the room.

 

"You just always find a way to fuck everything up don't you?" Eric said to me. Asking me more of a rhetorical question. Ouch though. I didn't think I screwed things up that bad. I knew my fears were bad but he didn't have to say it like that. "This ankle is really messed up. Its going to hurt when I set it but I have to set it correctly or the swelling is going to make it heal funky." He said calmly. I nodded my head, understanding that he was talking about my ankle and not my fear simluations from earlier today. I sat as still as possible as he went to work on my ankle.

 

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me in a calm voice as he finished wrapping my ankle.

 

"No. But I think I owe you somewhat of an explanation as to why I reacted like I did." I said after taking a deep breath.

 

"His name was Jacob and he was a friend of my older brothers. They were both two years older than me but my brother and I always got along well, we never felt the age gap. That is until Jacob started showing an interest in me. He was already a Candor citizen which meant that we could not be together. They have strict rules about it in Candor. Back when the factions were first created a member and a non-member got involved. She ended up switching factions but they were still in love. Long story short, they tried to be together and both ended up being punished severely. So they put rules in place that you were not allowed to date non-faction members."

 

"At the time it didn't seem like as big deal since it was just a crush and quite honestly I thought he was just messing around with me. Why was a guy who looked like that, even bothering with a girl who looked like me? But I continued to shamelessly flirt with him when he would come over. I never thought it would turn into anything. Then it did. We had both fallen for each other. It was so unexpected and so unwanted on my part. He begged me and begged me to date him. But I refused every time. He wanted it so bad, and in truth so did I, but I knew it could end so badly not only for us, but for our families. But eventually after many conversations and sweet words exchanged, I caved."

 

"At first it was great. He was sweet and magical and everything I could ever want in a boyfriend. Then one day, he just wasn't. One day he just got really mad at something I had said and hit me. He apologized up and down and was so sorry. I forgave him thinking that it was all in the passion of the moment. That he wasn't really like that and was just upset and lashed out. But it didn't stop him from hitting me. He would do it over and over again and just apologize afterwards. Then one day he just stopped apologizing all together. He slowly changed into this person I didn't know. He wasn't the boy that told me I was beautiful or lovely or stunning he was the boy that told me I deserved to be hit. That I should be hit. But I didn't know what to do. I believed him to an extent and who was I going to tell? Then it hit me one day to tell my brother. My brother had been there for me through everything. Every petty school fight, every grade, everything. He was my go to rock that I could always count on to defend me and back me up. So I told him all of it. From the beginning, to the hitting, up until that very moment that I sat in front of him and he looked at me like garbage. He told me I needed to keep my mouth shut and that I was trying to ruin Jacob's life just cause he wouldn't date me." Without noticing it I had began crying. Tears were rolling down my face faster than I could imagine.

 

"So I stayed quiet. Until I couldn't anymore." I whispered out. "That's part of the reason why I freaked out after my simulation. To me, you look a  **lot** like him and it makes me think of all those things he did to me. So when I came out of the simulation and saw you it was like I was right back in Candor and was staring at him all over again. I didn't know how to cope with it so I ran. It honestly has nothing to do with you Eric, its just my head fucking with me."

 

"Just because I am Dauntless doesn't mean I am heartless. I would never do any of those things to any woman or more importantly you. Despite me being hard on you I see a lot of potential in you. You are going to make a great Dauntless member. But more importantly, I would like for us to get along and be friends Nikki." Eric said to me as he wiped my tears from my face.

 

"I would really like that Eric." I said and smiled at Eric. Who knew he had a soft side.

 

We sat there for a while on his sofa and just talked. Small things that didn't mean a lot but were a step in the right direction. I needed Eric on my side once my fears started pouring out. There are secrets that no one needs to know, but Eric will. If I'm lucky he can help me face my fears. No one in Dauntless needs to know about all of my Candor secrets. I left Candor to keep them there.


	20. Simulations Show Fears and Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates! I still wasn't feeling good and then I went on Spring Break! I will continue to update more frequently! And if I don't just keep commenting and yelling at me till I do hahaha Cause I read all my comments my lovelies :*

Nikki's POV

 

After spending the night in Eric's apartment resting my ankle I woke up to the smell of breakfast being cooked. It smelt delicious and I couldn't hide my hunger when my stomach growled loudly. I stood up and walked towards the smell of the food which was coming from the kitchen. On the counter sitting there was a plate of eggs, hashbrowns, waffles and a glass of orange juice. It looked fantastic.

 

"Wow. Did you cook this?" I asked Eric, surprised that this boy knew his way around a kitchen.

 

"Nope. But I am friends with the cook that prepares all the food for Dauntless so lets just say I got us some very fresh and very well prepared food. So to answer your question no, I didn't cook it. But I did get us food." Eric said as he continued to eat his food. I lightly chuckled at his response and shrugged. Oh well. Food is food and this was going to be as good as it gets.

 

"Thanks." I said before I started eating my food. As I sat there eating my delicious food I thought about how I was going to have to do the simulation again today. I was terrified but I was also ready. I knew I also had some basic fears and that I could only hope that those would come out next in my simulations.

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Fear of heights, fear of the water/swimming, more simulations about Jacob. Those had all been in my fear simulations all week. So far none of the ones I was afraid of coming out but I knew they were lurking around the corner.

 

Eric had been amazing towards me. He had been training me after hours in the training room: boxing, kicks, knife work, gun work. He had basically been helping me get stronger. Of course I needed training to an extent and help from a Dauntless leader wouldn't hurt but at the same time, I had prepared so much for this that I really didn't need the extra help except maybe to help put on a few extra pounds of muscle. He was turning out to be a great friend though. He would joke around with me and give me sly pointers here and there. He was trying not to play favorites but anyone with eyes can see that we are good friends.

 

 "You ready for today?" Calum asked me as I sat down next to him in the mess hall.

 

"Yeah. I'm ready for another sim. I just hope that some of my fears stay away... for now at least. I'm not really ready to deal with them yet." I said as I munched on a piece of muffin. Blueberry and chocolate chip muffins are like my personal weakness. If I see one I have to eat it, no matter how full I am. They are just so good. Its probably cause I had them in my house growing up, always.

 

"Yeah, if I have another simulation where I am stuck in a closing box I might jump in the Chasm." Calum said laughing.

 

"Hey guys." Jade said quietly as she sat down across from us.

 

"You okay Jade?" I asked concerned. She looks like she hasn't slept in weeks.

 

"I feel like I haven't slept at all in the last few days. Sims are killing me. They are invading my dreams and its killer. I hate thinking about my old faction, even in sims. There was a reason I left Amity and I didn't ever want to have to think about it again." Jade said sighing.

 

"Just know that we only have two more days left of this round! We are almost there girl!" I said and offered her a muffin. She chuckled and smiled accepting the muffin.

 

After a few more minutes we all stood up and walked towards the sim rooms. We were joking around and talking about what we would do to celebrate being done with stage two when we came to the hallway where we usually wait. We all slowed down as we heard the loud chatter and saw all the initiates crowded around something on the wall. We walked up and saw that they had posted a list of our updates rankings.

 

_Two._

 

I was ranked second! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. I knew I was coping well with the simulations but I didn't know I was doing this well. They had a second list posted next to ours with the names of the Dauntless born and their ranks. Then a third list with all of our names combined.

 

_Four._

 

So even with the other Dauntless in the mix I was fourth! This was amazing news but the competitive side of me knew I needed to work harder. Fourth wouldn't get me where I needed to be. But I was close. Calum was third and two Dauntless born (a guy and a girl) were both ranked ahead of us.

 

(A/N: I'm putting Dauntless next to the D-born so its easier to understand) 

1\. Slade (Dauntless)

2\. Jaz (Dauntless)

3\. Calum

4\. Nikki

5\. Matt (Dauntless)

6\. Joven (Dauntless)

7\. Kaili (Dauntless)

8\. Josh

9\. Ronald

10\. Jade

11\. Bane (Dauntless)

12\. Pure (Dauntless)

13\. Vana (Dauntless)

14\. Dav (Dauntless)

15\. Sarah

 

Luckily Calum and I had made top 5 but Jade barely made top 10 and it was so concerning how few transfers there were in the top 15. Of course the list continued on but to know we were so outnumbered did nothing to calm my nerves. But I wasn't the only one. Everyone was either scarily quiet or talking in hushed tones to each other. This made initiation so real all over again. That we were competing against these people and not everyone was going to be staying. After the first cuts we didn't really sweat it cause our trio stayed together but now we were going to have to work for it. We couldn't leave each other behind!

 

After the fear of everything set in we all sat quietly in the hall waiting to be called. I heard my name being called after a while and I walked calmly into the room. I sat down like I had every day but today was different Eric was here. Apparently (according to Four) Eric would be watching everyone's progress today so they would both be here together, instead of testing everyone separately. I shrugged and sat down. I had no issue with Eric being there. I sat down and drank the liquids like I did everyday and waited for it to throw me in the simulation.

 

I felt the simulation pull me under and then everything went black.

 

_I looked at my surroundings and noticed I was at home, alone. I shrugged and went to grab my book off the table._

 

_"I know what you are going to do and I won't let you!" My brother yelled at me as he stormed into the house._

 

_"What are you on about psycho?" I asked bored with him and turned around again to grab my book. He roughly grabbed my arm and spun me around again._

 

_"You know what the fuck I am talking about! I can't believe you would leave! Our faction isn't good enough for you?! You have to go and betray us. Join the rest of those faction betraying motherfuckers!" He yelled at my face._

 

_"Shut up! You haven't talked to me in months since the whole Jacob incident and now you wanna pow-wow. Hell no. No you know what. Fuck no! Screw you. We aren't siblings, we aren't even friends!"  I said and pushed him off of me. I had gotten stronger from my training and I could take my brother on. Even if he was a whole foot taller and a good 100lbs bigger than me._

 

_"Who are you?!" He yelled at me._

 

_I turned to run out of the house but my nightmare wasn't over. Faceless Candor officials came walking into the house and pushed me back into my own home. I stumbled from the unexpected push and crashed into my brother._

 

_"You know what you have to do Nicole." The Candor officials told me._

 

_"NO! NO NO NO! I wont do it!" I yelled at them._

 

_"We need you Nicole. We need you to help your faction. You can help us take them down. You can help better this whole city!" They told me in their monotone voices._

 

_"No!" I yelled as tears streamed down my face. I was trying desperately to count my breaths in and out to calm down my breathing. I needed to stay calm and breath. In. Out. In. Out. A few of them grabbed my arms and held me down as they continued to talk to me. In. Out. In. Out. It was slowly calming me._

 

_"You can help us spy on them! You can help us take down their entire faction! Help us end Dauntless Nicole."_

 

I awoke in the room with Four and Eric staring at me. This was the one thing I needed to keep in Candor. I couldn't have them knowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay seriously, I went to go read some Eric fanfics and there are like, NONE :(((( and the few that I did find on the interweb (internet) were HORRIBLE! Like I was laughing cause they were so bad! And all the good ones I had already read... So needless to say I was very sad :((( Sorry this chappie has taken longer... I knew what I wanted in the chapter but I just couldn't get it to come out right...


	21. Backstory... Believe It Or Not...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love you all :* the back story that you guys have been killing me over!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long! It just wasn't sounding right so I had to rewrite it a few times and tweak it to make it better!

Frozen. Time was frozen in every way possible. It seemed like we were all paralyzed, not able to speak, react, move... Then as if someone hit the play button on the remote the whole room exploded. Eric lunged at me. Four held him back. I jumped out of my seat and stood watching them wrestle. Then next thing I know, Eric is crumbling to the floor and is down for the count.

"I knocked him out for now. But it wont be long before he is awake. We have 5 minutes MAX! You need to start talking, NOW!" Four said to me with a tone I had never heard him use with me before. He no longer trusted me. I understand why he didn't, but it still hurt to know that I was not trusted by both of my instructors that I've grown to like.

"Its a long story. A LONG story. I need more than 5 minutes. But if you must know. Long story short, I had personal reasons on why I wanted to leave Candor. I made the decision and no matter my test results I was leaving. Someone found out and told Candor leaders. They didn't want it to seem like we were a weak faction if a original descendent didnt even want to stay in her home faction. So they tried to recruit me for their project to keep me with them. I know this all looks bad but I am telling the truth. I will even take a truth serum. I have nothing to hide." I pleaded to Four.

Four pushed a button on the monitor and it soon popped out a small round disk. Four grabbed it and then grabbed my arm and led me out the back door of the room. "You need to explain this all to Max. If Eric gets to Max first then you will be dangling from the Chasm tonight. Faction before blood isn't just a saying in Dauntless."

So with that said we were practically running through the compound. Winding and weaving through all the ins and outs until we came to a large black door. Four knocked three times before a voice told him to enter.

"We have a situation." Four said guiding me inside and handing him the disk to watch. I sat back as Max watched the video and Four explained to him what I had told him. Then they spoke in hushed tones that I could not understand.

"One of the initiates is a traitor!" I heard a voice boom behind me. I turned to see that Eric had walked into the room. He looked over at me with disgust and confusion. We had grown close and now he probably wont even trust me.

"I've been made aware of the current situation by Four, Eric. Under most circumstances traitors would be, dealt with. But the simulations alter reality and distort the truth. Traitor or not has yet to be proven." Max spoke with an air of authority to him that even Eric wouldn't dare challenge.

"Max." I spoke softly.

"Yes Nikki." He said as he turned to look with me giving me a look that told me to continue.

"I'm willing to take a Candor truth serum in front of all the Dauntless leaders to explain everything. Although some parts of the story are private, I have nothing to hide from my faction leaders. I am more than willing to cooperate." I said confidently to Max. Max nodded and looked thoughtfully down at his desk.

"Four, call Candor and let them know we will be needing 3 of their strongest truth serums, immediately." Max said as he pulled something out of his desk. I looked to see he had pulled out handcuffs. I sighed knowing where this was going and held my arms out in front of me. They couldn't take chances.

"Once they bring the serums over, go into Room 2A. We will question her in there." Max said to Four as he put the handcuffs on me.

After Four left, Max and Eric escorted me down to the room they spoke of. No matter how many times I tried to look at Eric, his eyes remained forwarded and his face remained expressionless. If I came out of this okay, Eric would probably never talk to me again.

 

 

We came to the room they spoke about and placed me in a metal elevated chair. I sat down and was strapped in by my wrists and ankles. I knew this was coming but I never wanted it to come out like this and get to this level. But now I have to deal with my Candor secrets and my new Dauntless ones. Everyone was going to suffer because of this one. After I was strapped down, Eric and Max walked away to talk. Eric leaving the room shortly after their quick discussion.

 

After waiting, what seemed like forever, the other Dauntless leaders came into the room one by one. Angelina came in first with a sour look on her face. It was to be expected though. She is the youngest in leadership after Eric and they are close from what I've seen and heard him talk about. She was 100% going to take his side no matter what. Then in came Eric. He went straight over to Angelina and then started talking to her in hushed tones. Most likely about how I was a faction traitor and a liar and everything else under the sun. Harrison came in next and took a seat. Followed by the very last of them Max. There were only four leaders right now since something happened to the last one. Not sure what exactly what happened to him but then again, no one really does.

Shortly after Max came in Four walked into the room with the serums. He set them down on a table by my chair and walked over to Max. Max nodded and then said okay.

"Everyone, before us today is a faction transfer, an initiate. She defected from Candor even though she is a legacy. During her second stage today we learned that she may not have been honest in her intentions of coming to Dauntless. Today we are here to see if that is true. Nikki came to me straight after this happened and suggested she take the truth serum. This is what she wanted to prove her innocence. Whether she is or not, we shall see. Please keep an open and unbiased mind as we don't know the story yet. Four is staying to observe also because he was in the room with her when this happened." Max said to the other leaders as he walked over to stand by me.

 

I sat there nervous. Not for what was going to happen to me but for the secrets that my head held. I wasn't sure if the world was ready to hear everything. Ready or not they were coming out now as Four injected me with the truth serum.

 

"Please state your name, age, number of siblings and your least favorite thing about Four." Max said to me. "For the leaders, this is a baseline to tell if the serum is working. Basic facts and then an opinion that would never otherwise be stated."

"Nicole originally but Nikki as of now, 17, one older brother and I think he can be so rigid sometimes. Part of me just wants to see him take a bunch of shots, get wasted and dance on the table." I said in a voice that sounded like my own but I had no control over. I was used to this. Candor was not opposed to using their serum on their faction members, young or old.

"Please tell us about why you wanted to become a Dauntless." Max said to me.

"At first I didn't know I wanted to be Dauntless. The final decision was made the day I walked onto the stage and slit open my palm but before then I had only really hoped to have the courage to switch factions. Back before the ceremony, way before then, I had a boyfriend. He was the son of a very influential family in Candor and was close with my family. His parents and my parents went back years and years and years. So when he became friends with my brother it was no surprise. It was just a matter of time honestly. They were both the same age and knew from the minute that they could go to school that they would be in Candor. I never paid much attention to them since I was two years younger. It was always just my brother and his stupid friend Jacob. Then one day it all changed. For some odd reason, Jacob became interested in me. He wanted to date me. But Candor has strict rules. No non-members with members. It creates confusion and room for error and honestly can end badly in 3000 different ways, which it had in the past. So I said no."

"No no no no no. Over and over and over again but he just wouldn't listen. He would do sweet things for me and bring me flowers and just be too nice. There was just a million things that were perfect about him but I knew I couldn't. So I stayed away and listened to my better judgement. But it was only so long before fate had its way. One day he kissed me and I just gave it. I was tired of fighting his so I just gave it. It was magical at first. We kept everyone in the dark but we had our ways. I couldn't have been happier. But then it all happened. One day we got into a huge argument over god only remembers and he hit me. He slapped me across the face and we were both in shock. He apologized over and over and held me as I cried. I felt so hurt. He was my sweet boy, the love of my life, or so I thought and he hit me. But he swore to me that it would never happen again and that he was sorry, so I forgave him." Without me realizing tears had started coming down me face.

"It was my fault. I should have known then. But how could I know. It wasn't the last time he hit me. He would hit me and apologize. Then one day, the apologies stopped and he just did as he pleased. I had hand prints, bruises, cuts, burns and everything in between from him. I would hid it under jackets or pants. I went through so much make up and I felt helpless. I finally got the courage to tell my brother. He was there for me through everything so why should this be any different? Wrong. Boy was I wrong. He screamed at me and told me I was a liar and that I was trying to ruin Jacob's life because he never liked me like I liked him. It was horrible. My brother stopped talking to me after that."

"I cried and cried and cried that night. I couldn't believe my own brother would turn his back on me. Then I did a really dumb thing for a 15 year old to do, I went out at night to walk around. I ended up getting cornered by two Factionless guys. I was scared beyond belief. Thats when he showed up. He took them both out with just his hands and saved my life. He was a Factionless but was so fearless and ruthless. He scolded me like the child I was for being out so late and then started talking to me. We got talking and I cried to him and told him everything that had happened. I even told him about my bruises and showed him what Jacob had done to me. The look on his face changed so quickly. It was his idea not mine. He told me he would help me learn to defend myself against Jacob so I would never be abused again. I didn't believe him at first but he stayed true to his word."

"I met his everyday after my lab class. I had a window of 3 hours before my parents would get home and then at night after they went to bed he would meet me in front of my house and we would train again. 3 hours of working out in the afternoon and 3 hours of training at night. Running to build my stamina, push ups to build my arms, sit ups to build my core, squats to build my legs and everything in between. Within a month I had lost almost all of my body fat and had gained serious muscle. It was amazing. We would spar and I actually stood a chance against him. It was an amazing feeling knowing that the next time Jacob and I hung out that if he attacked me I could hold my own. It made me want to do new things. Try everything new. But most of all it made me feel confident, confident enough to leave my own faction. I told him that I was ready to switch factions so he started training me harder."

"I didn't have to wait long for Jacob to come after me again. Jacob and I had it out about something and he pushed me to the ground and started kicking me. I took it at first as I steadied my breath and then I leg swept him. He was on the floor so fast. Then it was like all hell broke loose. Punches, kicks, shoving. It was all just horrible. But then he did the unthinkable. It was all just a normal fight until we knocked into a vase my mom has on one of the tables. It crashed onto the floor right by Jacob and he took the opportunity to grab a shard and stab me in the stomach. I fell backwards onto the floor gasping for breath but I knew I had to do something, he was still coming after me. So with bloody hands I grabbed a shard, steadied it in my shaking hand and threw it at him just like I was taught. It hit him straight in the heart. After that I blacked out."

"I wake up in the hospital a few days later to learn that I had been alive by a miracle and that Jacob was dead. Dead. I killed him. I was sad, stunned but most of all relieved. He was out of my life for good. My mom sat there and explained to me that every official in Candor had hidden cameras in their house in case someone were to come for them or something like an attempted murder were to take place, a "safety" precaution. But more like my life saver. But that was the moment I knew I had to get out. I was done being the girl trapped in Candor by her family name. I wanted out."

"Candor officials rigged it with the help of Dauntless leaders to make it look like the Factionless had killed Jacob. Only the Candor officials and my family knew what really happened to Jacob. I stayed locked in my room for a whole month, doing my work from my room. Then I finally went out to go find him. I told him all about how I had killed someone but I still wanted out. That I needed out. So we resumed our training. But someone caught on. Someone told Candor officials that I was planning on leaving Candor. The first legacy defector ever. It was the biggest scandal to ever happen in Candor. So they knew they had to do something. One day while I was talking to my brother and trying to explain to him everything that happened with Jacob they came in. They knocked my brother out and took me with them by force. They took me into the Candor government building and I was placed in front of all of the leaders. They knew I was defecting and they wanted me to defect to Dauntless."

"I laughed and told them no. Flat out no, because I didn't think I could last in Dauntless. Then after hearing them talk I knew that I would never be Abnegation, nor would I be Amity, I was already from Candor so that left me with Erudite and Dauntless. It made sense after all my training to go with Dauntless over Erudite but I just wasn't sure if I had the courage to go to the faction where no one has fear. But the "talk" with the leaders didn't go well. They pressured me for hours and hours before telling me that I either switched to Dauntless or I would end up just like Jacob. I was scared. I was taken home and my parents were told some bullshit story which they believed. Candor had been planning to take down Dauntless because they believe Dauntless was a "threat" to our society and the ruthlessness they bring is "unnecessary". I didn't believe it and I didn't want to believe it either. Dauntless were brave and free and courageous. They were everything I wanted to be. So I told him all about everything that had happened and he told me how he used to be a Dauntless. He told me about the initiation process and how it worked. He warned me that my secrets would be outed but I didn't care. I knew I would switch factions. But not for Candor's benefit, for my own."

"But you can't exactly walk into a new faction and be like "Hey by the way, my old faction wants to destroy you guys but don't worry, I'm not with them!" Its not exactly a good story to start with. So I thought I could keep it a secret until after I was a member and could explain it to all of you. I've nothing to hide from any of you. I took the serum to prove that. I want to be a Dauntless. Hell, if I have to take down my old faction, I will. I'm a Dauntless now. Candor is just my messy past." I told all of the leaders. The looks on their faces were mixed with so many emotions that I couldn't grasp what had happened or who believed me.


	22. CLARITY - Not A Chapter

Let me be plain and simple about this. I write this story for ME! I started this story for ME! Along the way I have picked up some very loyal followers and now I wrote this for US. 

IF YOU DONT LIKE MY FUCKING STORY THEN DONT FUCKING READ IT AND KEEP YOUR DAMN FUCKING OPINIONS TO YOUR SELF CAUSE I COULD NOT CARE ONE FUCKING BIT IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. 

Now if you have some ideas or think I should tweak something, let me know! I always love CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. It helps me grow as a writer! 


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